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Sex Advice from Scientists

maio 1, 2006

Brian, 25

What scientific term sounds the most sexual?
HOMO — Highest Occupied Molecular Orbital.

What's an experiment that I can try at home?
This doesn't have to do with sex, but it does have to do with alcohol, and for me, there's a connection. Get a Brita filter and a really cheap bottle of vodka. Filter the vodka through the Brita three times, and it's awesome. Do that experiment at home and invite some people over to drink it. Maybe someone will get drunk enough to sleep with you.

I've had a crush on a friend of mine for a long time. He recently broke it off with a serious girlfriend. How soon can I go after him?
The first time you get drunk together, whether you're friends with the girl or not. It doesn't matter.

Say I've just gotten out of a serious relationship. Under what circumstances should I first have sex with someone else?
Get it over with right away. The longer you wait, the more anxiety is going to build up. Once you get over that first drop on the roller coaster, you'll enjoy the ride a lot more.

My girlfriend loves to be on top, but she's no good at it. How can I get back up there?
Just up the tempo a bit — flip her over, make that move part of it. You shouldn't be having sex in just one position, anyway. Let her have her fun on top and then move her along.

What's the most sanitary place to have sex in a lab?
In labs that deal with viruses, there's a place called the "shower-in/shower-out room." You go in and they hit you with all of these chemicals. Nothing can live in there.

So you can't get an STD in that room?
Let's say I'm just crossing my fingers that you can't.

What part of sex is the most negotiable?
Sleeping over.

Is it possible to have sex with a friend and not ruin the friendship?
I hope so. Otherwise I'm in trouble.

I was really drunk and I fell asleep on top of my girlfriend while we were having sex. Is there any way to recover from this?
That happened to me with my ex-girlfriend. It was the second time we hooked up. We were still in that awkward phase. And she was going down on me.

So what happened?
She apparently smacked me in the face and I didn't wake up. And then she just acted like it didn't happen for a while. Months later, she brought it up. My friend Travis fell asleep on top of his girlfriend once and she had to call people in from the next room to get him off of her because she couldn't lift him. It took three guys to do it.

Dan, 28

We've got vasectomies, Viagra, designer vaginas — how can science improve our sex lives next?
I recently read an article about scientists that located the hormone that makes sex more gratifying than masturbation.

How about specific technological advancements?
One of my favorites is the remote-control butterfly. It's a vibrator on string-bikini underwear. It's worn over the woman's crotch, and the vibrator is right over her clitoris. It can be turned on an off to tease and control her stimulation. They have butterflies with cords and they have ones with remotes.

And wireless technology is always better.
Yes. Being able to do this at a restaurant or out in public is a great game.

My boyfriend has put on some weight lately. How can I help him get his hot bod back?
Well, I hash. Just because I'm a scientist doesn't mean I don't like beer. Hashing is kind of like having a carrot on a stick in the form of a beer can. That worked for me. I began gaining weight a few years ago, and now I just run a lot.

I want to strip for my boyfriend. What should I be wearing before I take it off?
Look like a professional. A lab coat works well. Maybe even lab goggles. Laboratory gloves might be pushing it.

Is there such a thing as over-thinking sex?
It happens, but it's not so much a problem in my case.

Alice, 27

What skills do scientists have that can be applied in the bedroom?
We can be very calculating. We know that there's little room for error.

Any tips for having sex in the lab?
Stay away from the centrifuge.

What sex act is the most negotiable?
A lot of men think the clitoris is a magic button that needs to be over-pressed. I've run across so many guys who think they know how to give great head, but sometimes they're not doing it right because of this. That is definitely not a necessary step.

What are some ground rules for outdoor sex?
Don't do it during dawn or dusk. That's when mosquitoes are the worst. I have friends who decided to go at it in an alley and they were both like, "I have thirty mosquito bites on my ass."

Are you asked out constantly?
I was assistant-teaching an engineering course, and on my teacher's evaluations I got comments that had very little to do with teaching.

Such as?
"Wear shorter skirts."

Michael, 28

Which scientific term is most sexual?
I once saw a talk about ribosome structure called Probing the Exit Tunnel.

What's the most sexual piece of lab equipment?
The scintillation counter.

How can science improve our sex lives next?
Most technological advances in my field deal with high-throughput data collection: instead of doing one gene-expression experiment at a time, we do four hundred thousand. Extend that same approach to your sex partners.

What's the best way to get a scientist to go home with you?
Being an editor of Nature helps. Failing that, just claim to be an editor of Nature. We're so eager to believe it, we won't press for details.

How can I get my boyfriend to wear his white lab coat to bed?
If you're into lab gear, why stop at white coats? Have him wear spandex gloves and safety goggles. Sort of an LAPD-meets-Doc-Brown vibe. Just promise you'll get a webcam. The world needs to see that show.


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